"I can't spare this man, he fights."

One thing I have been given an abundance of time for in Mexico is reading. I often spend hours a day reading if I can find a good book to read. That has often been the biggest challenge. Finding interesting books to read. We actually came down with quite a few, but those didn't last long. Luckily enough we were sent others and I was able to find some of interest at the school library. Recently, I have been engrossed in finishing the books Joy brought back from her spring break trip to the States.

I love history and had asked Joy to bring me back some interesting history books from the States. I think she bought anything that said bestseller on it. Anyway she did a good job, I have moved through several of them in the past week including "1776" and "The Americn Civil War". I often find good histories as encourging to my personal spiritual walk as books centered on religion. Watching and learning from the lives of great men, Lincoln and Washington among others.

 

 

One thing I really enjoy doing as I read is collecting quotes. I highlight them and try to memorize them, much like I would Scripture. Today as I was reading, one quote just about stopped me in my tracks. It was the title of this post, "I can't spare this man, he fights." This quote was uttered by President Lincoln in reference to U.S. Grant.

For those who might not know the history of the Civil War, my favorite, Grant was a man who often rubbed people the wrong way. He was accused at times of having a poor temperment, stubborn, somewhat abrasive, and at times suffering from a bit of fondness to drinking. Definitely weaknesses that don't always endear you to people. Anyway, some around Grant took their complaints about him directly to Lincoln, even calling for him to be removed from the field. After hearing their complaints, the quote above was Lincoln's response.

I thought for quite a while today about this quote on my daily walk. At this time in history, Lincoln was surrounded by generals who were in many ways proper, even Christian gentlemen, but they wouldn't fight. Grant on the other hand knew what his commander-in-chief wanted and he dove headlong, sometimes unadviseadly into the fight. He was a man always looking for the fight. It was for this reason, that despite personal flaws, Lincoln wouldn't dare part with this man. It was for this reason, that he became President just a few terms after Lincoln. He fought.

Then I thought how great would it be if this would be said of me. We all have our personal flaws and on close introspection, as history often gives us, all of us would have weaknesses exposed. The question is, "Would we have such a strenght exposed." History generally doesn't record the personal flaws of the other generals of Grant's day as they do his, but it generally does record one thing about them. They were all hesitant to fight when called on by their leader.

I hazard to say that I think I have met many with outwardly impeccable manners, but lacking a will to fight. I personally would love to achieve both, but first and foremost I hope I can be called a fighter. When I think about this quote, I hope dearly that my friends/family can say this about me. I hope my employers can say this about me. Most importantly, when I am looked down upon by God, I hope he can say this about me.

Waiting for the Rain

We are towards the end of the very long dry season in Mexico.  It has only rained a few drops since around October.  We are told any day it will start raining again.  The forcast often shows that it is going to rain, yet it doesn't.  Sometimes it even shows that it is raining and it's not.  It's been unbearably hot and extreemly difficult to sleep over the last couple weeks.  Today it started sprinkling for a few seconds and my children ran inside jumping up and down yelling, "It's raining! It's raining!"  I ran to the window to open it, hoping for the rain that would bring the nice cool breaze with it.  I notice the few,  I mean insignificantly few, drops coming down.  They yelled, "Can we play in the rain!"  I'm thinking, What rain? "Yeah sure!" I laughed.  How we are looking for the rain!  How we want and need the rain!

This year has had it's rainy seasons and dry seasons spiritually for me as well.  I have had moments that I've been poured on,  I've been stretched and have grown tremendously.  Then there have been months and months of extreemly dry weather waiting for God.  Going to "spanish lessons" on Sunday and not church, because of the lack of understanding.  I have been crying out for different students who are headed down the wrong path, fighting indifference, at times throwing my hands up in the air because I have no clue, facing many obstacles and frustrations, waiting and hoping to see the rain.  To see God at work.  Like a farmer there have been many seeds planted this year.   I have seen God work little by little, but I would love to see a down pour!

We have 5 weeks before the school years out and I'm waiting and hoping for the rain.  I trust it will come whether I get to see it or not.  It will come. 

By the way it just started pouring!  Hopefully it's a reflection of what's to come.

Good and Hard

Before you even ask me, my answer is good and hard.


I have thought a lot about the questions I will continually get asked by friends and family and coworkers when I return. I know what they are because friends and others email them to me regularly. First and foremost, "How was your experience" and "What was it like to live in Mexico". Before you even ask, I have put a lot of thought into this and my answer is good and hard.



I understand that when I return some people will ask me these quetions out of mere formality and some will ask me because they really care and have genuine interest. For the second group, I felt like I owed them a thought out answer. So I have been thinking quite a bit about it. Again, the answer good and hard.


Good in that this experience has changed me in ways for the better. Made me appreciate and at times reject foreign cultural practices and attitudes. Good in that it has made me reevaluate how I live my life. Good in that it has reminded me about what is truly important. Good in that it has forced me to look God in the face and say "What?". Good because He has answered that question many times and I am fundamentally broken, changed, and better for it. Good because I think I come back better then when I left with a lot more love in my heart.


Hard because everything that is good for you over the long term is hard (Think marriage, children, friends, family, church life). Hard because I couldn't count on anything I knew many times and found my self at the mercy and thoughtfulness of others. Hard because I hated it at times, like every school kid hates grammar, but ultimately learns its value. Hard enough to break rock like attitudes in my heart. Hard enough to make me refreshed and excited to come back to the States.


Good in that it changed me and Hard in that I am ready to begin a new in the States.

A Simple Satisfaction

As I was going for a walk today, I satisfyingly realized something. I "work" here. Not as in a job or profession, but I fit. As I walk down the street, nothing is any longer foreign to me. And maybe more importantly no one locally finds me too foreign either. As I head for my walk, the women who runs the little market booth outside the Catholic Church selling tomales, ice cream, snacks, and everything else Mexican nods and waves to me. I then exchange pleasantries with the waiters at the local taco joint (I have eaten a lot of tacos here!) and continue my walk. As I continue on down to my destination (Starbucks) I often receive a smattering of nods from shop owners who recognize me from regular visits. For the most part no one, with the possible exception of an occassional walker I don't know, looks at me with alien wonder any longer. The street workers and various garderners know me enough to offer a cordial "Buenas Tardes" as I walk by. As I walk back from Starbucks I stop at the market to pick up some avocados (new favorite food) and zuchini and several of the people selling their produce make friendly eye contact.

Today, this experience, created a very simple satisfaction. I "fit" here. While I don't call myself a Spanish speaker at this point, in this community I live my life in Spanish and am accepted as such. I order my vegetables, my iced green tea, and my paper towel in Spanish, respond to their questions and even know enough to tell them they gave me the wrong green tea (I always feel horrible when a mistake is made because I do assume it is my fault and I say so). None of the workers at these various places are scared to talk to me in Spanish because they know that I will pick up enough to get their meaning. If not, I will look confused, ask a question, and we will move on with our business transaction.

My walk full of bags and small conversations will end an hour or so later. I have just very much lived like a local.

Its not the satisfaction of transitioning from New York to Memphis or Indianapolis to LA. (No doubt very different in their own rights) but rather becoming part of a whole new world. Becoming just another peice that fits in a foreign culture. And while I will never be "Mexican" and at least while here my Spanish will never be strong enough to engage these people at great depths. To some extent, I know them and they know me. We are neighbors and I have a very normal place in their world. That is very satisfying.

Patience

I talked on my last blog post about lacking in patience and I got an interesting comment from one of my students today.  The class was a last period class.  (Never good, worse in the heat and terrible after a half day or any type of break)  The class was really, honestly... a disaster.  At least half the class was not listening.  Those kids of course were the ones failing my easy class and it was impertinent that they listened.  Anyways, we finally get to the end of the class and one of my students said to me, “How are you so patient?”  I’m laughing on the inside!  She quickly says, “Well I guess you’re a mom of three kids”.  I told her that I really struggle in this area.  I use to think of myself as a fairly patient person, until I came to Mexico.  Now it’s been something I really have to work on every day.   She said, “If I were you I would have run away!”  I chuckled and said, “Sometimes I think about it.”  I guess I should be encouraged that I am improving.  I don’t think she would have said that at the beginning of the year. 

Random Thoughts on Life in Mexico

You know it's been a while since I've blogged, when it took me some time thinking of the website my blog is on and my password! Seeing I haven't written for a good month or longer, this is a post of random thoughts. 

Today was Mother's day in Mexico. Mother's day is always on May 10th. SEP (the Mexican government in charge of the school) called the school yesterday around noon and told them that we will only have a half day today since it's mother's day and no school on Friday for the day of the teacher. I'm starting to slowly adjust to this type of thing occurring, the up in the air if you are going to have school or not when it's a holiday of ANY type. Adjusting, but still prefer to know things with a little more advanced notice.
Speaking of adjusting David and I both called something "ugly" today that a normal English speaker wouldn't use to describe, but is how you would describe something in Spanish.  Like when something tastes bad it could be called ugly.  Something's happening in our brain.  Unfortunately I wish it would be happening more.  My Spanish is definately better, but not even close to where I would hope to be after living in Mexico for almost 10 months. 

For El Dia de las Madres Brian and the kids took me to a restaurant that is usually a favorite of mine. Ended up being a comical dinner! Wrong drink, wrong order then the right drink with horchata that wasn't strained properly. It was very grainy.  On and on. What made it so funny is everyone’s order they managed to do right, but mine. An older lady was our waitress (we've never had her before). She just about freaked out at the sight of these Gringos. She panicked before we even began to order and quickly handed us off to someone who spoke English (even though we still spoke Spanish to him.) We have learned that being patient and having good listening skills go a long way in communicating with other people who might not share the same first language as us.  It kind of made me feel like, “is my accent really that bad!” Brian was concerned it was a flop, but it was ironically comical. It's amazing what a difference two people can make. (The missing waitress and one of their good chefs) You could really see that in the restaurant.

I've been thinking a lot of this experience of living in another country. At times I'm not sure if it has helped me become a better person or a worse one. I use to think of myself as a fairly laid back person...until I came to Mexico. I feel so intense. Maybe that's comparitive to all the people around me.  Now, I wonder what I will feel when I’m back in the USA.

Being out of my comfort zone has really enlightened me to things that I must have struggled with, but had no clue. The "normal" day in day out wasn’t enough to uncover some of the rough spots, which living in another country has. Sure I can be patient when things aren’t too bad, but when I’m tested to my limit. That’s when you realize maybe you weren’t as patient as you thought.