Filling in a Few Much Needed Details.

                Although we are back in the United States I still feel like I’m “living in the land of odd”.  We are in that no fun transition stage where it’s really hard to form any since of routine.  We are “homeless” and so my parents took pity on us and we are staying with them.  That is unless they read that they have such an odd home.  But really that’s only a little bit about the oddness.  After living in another country when you move back you experience culture shock all over again.  In the last couple of weeks my husband and I have commented on things that we notice and it’s ironic how similar our observations are.  We might be shocked about one thing and excited about another.  And my taste buds have changed too!  Before we left for Mexico I thought I couldn't live without Bigalow Chai tea I drank every morning.  Didn't have it for a year and now not so sure why I liked it in the first place. 

                Along with this oddness thing, it’s hard to know how to respond when we run into people and questions are being asked or they didn’t realize we were coming back.  “Are you excited to be back?” we get quite often.  We are filled with such mixed emotions.  Coming back to the United States was bitter sweet and I kind of like milk chocolate better.  As the day approached Brian and I were excited to be moving back, but a funny thing happened as we landed/drove into the United States we were hit with this pit of pain of what we left behind.  Okay so I started crying at the airport! We have enjoyed seeing family and friends right now, but we didn’t have to come back to the United States because we couldn’t stand it in Mexico.  It wasn’t because it was “too hard”.  The kids had adjusted fine in Mexico. In fact Joelle cried a lot the last two weeks we were there because she did not want to leave. She still thinks of herself as Mexican.  We chose to come back because let’s just say we had a completely different philosophy of education as the school.  We really had no other job lined up in Mexico.  No feeling that there was something else for us to do there. 

                I (Joy) also had a secondary reason for coming home.  During this time in Mexico I realized how young my children still are and how much they still need me. (I would include my hubby in here as well.  He is my 4th child or maybe my first.)  Majority of my students I taught I would say had terrible relationships with their parents and it showed in their actions at school.  I got a chance to see how several of them interacted with their parents.  The biggest thing I learned was I did not want to lose my children.  I had more than one conference with a mom crying about how she didn’t know what to do.  She felt she had lost her son or daughter.

On the other hand, there were a couple of students that where brilliant radiant exceptions.  Two sisters were one of those.  I had one in 6^th grade and the other in 8^th grade.  These two young women were beautiful both on the inside and the outside and because of that also our babysitter the last month and a half.  One day I saw one of them with her arms around her mom waiting for her little brother.  I could tell that she and her sister where extremely close to their mom.  Later that day I asked her, “Why do you think you are so close to your mom?”  She said, “My mom has always been my best friend.  I tell her everything.  I always have.  Both me and my sister are close to my mom.”  I talked to their mom a few weeks later and you can tell she had been purposeful with her daughters from a young age.  She still stayed home and took her role as a mother seriously. 

One of those culture shock realization things that hit me as I came back to the United States was our priorities.  In Mexico it is expected if you have a job you should give a job.  You should have someone to come in and clean or cut your grass or something.  Granted it’s much easier than it is here because you don’t pay social security and people don’t expect as much money.  We had someone come in and clean for 150 pesos which is about the equivalent of $12. (Let me also say that people felt we were spoiling her and she was very happy to have the job and I think still made more than I did an hour).  All this to say is that made me think of how expensive it is to have someone come and clean your house here in the USA.  When it’s advertised $35 off your first cleaning you know it’s got to be pricy.  I remember when I was a  nanny in Chicago.  The person that came in and cleaned the house once a week made more than I did and worked several hours less.  We are in a culture today that doesn’t value their most important asset.   (Unless…you have the cleaning lady so you can spend more time with your kids.)

Realizing how much my family still needs me and how hard it is to be completely there with a "job" was one of many big lessons I learned down south.  Sure I knew it was “important” before, but now I have been given a new vision, refreshment and exuberance for it.  I'm ready to be a "stay at home" mom once again.

"I can't spare this man, he fights."

One thing I have been given an abundance of time for in Mexico is reading. I often spend hours a day reading if I can find a good book to read. That has often been the biggest challenge. Finding interesting books to read. We actually came down with quite a few, but those didn't last long. Luckily enough we were sent others and I was able to find some of interest at the school library. Recently, I have been engrossed in finishing the books Joy brought back from her spring break trip to the States.

I love history and had asked Joy to bring me back some interesting history books from the States. I think she bought anything that said bestseller on it. Anyway she did a good job, I have moved through several of them in the past week including "1776" and "The Americn Civil War". I often find good histories as encourging to my personal spiritual walk as books centered on religion. Watching and learning from the lives of great men, Lincoln and Washington among others.

 

 

One thing I really enjoy doing as I read is collecting quotes. I highlight them and try to memorize them, much like I would Scripture. Today as I was reading, one quote just about stopped me in my tracks. It was the title of this post, "I can't spare this man, he fights." This quote was uttered by President Lincoln in reference to U.S. Grant.

For those who might not know the history of the Civil War, my favorite, Grant was a man who often rubbed people the wrong way. He was accused at times of having a poor temperment, stubborn, somewhat abrasive, and at times suffering from a bit of fondness to drinking. Definitely weaknesses that don't always endear you to people. Anyway, some around Grant took their complaints about him directly to Lincoln, even calling for him to be removed from the field. After hearing their complaints, the quote above was Lincoln's response.

I thought for quite a while today about this quote on my daily walk. At this time in history, Lincoln was surrounded by generals who were in many ways proper, even Christian gentlemen, but they wouldn't fight. Grant on the other hand knew what his commander-in-chief wanted and he dove headlong, sometimes unadviseadly into the fight. He was a man always looking for the fight. It was for this reason, that despite personal flaws, Lincoln wouldn't dare part with this man. It was for this reason, that he became President just a few terms after Lincoln. He fought.

Then I thought how great would it be if this would be said of me. We all have our personal flaws and on close introspection, as history often gives us, all of us would have weaknesses exposed. The question is, "Would we have such a strenght exposed." History generally doesn't record the personal flaws of the other generals of Grant's day as they do his, but it generally does record one thing about them. They were all hesitant to fight when called on by their leader.

I hazard to say that I think I have met many with outwardly impeccable manners, but lacking a will to fight. I personally would love to achieve both, but first and foremost I hope I can be called a fighter. When I think about this quote, I hope dearly that my friends/family can say this about me. I hope my employers can say this about me. Most importantly, when I am looked down upon by God, I hope he can say this about me.

Waiting for the Rain

We are towards the end of the very long dry season in Mexico.  It has only rained a few drops since around October.  We are told any day it will start raining again.  The forcast often shows that it is going to rain, yet it doesn't.  Sometimes it even shows that it is raining and it's not.  It's been unbearably hot and extreemly difficult to sleep over the last couple weeks.  Today it started sprinkling for a few seconds and my children ran inside jumping up and down yelling, "It's raining! It's raining!"  I ran to the window to open it, hoping for the rain that would bring the nice cool breaze with it.  I notice the few,  I mean insignificantly few, drops coming down.  They yelled, "Can we play in the rain!"  I'm thinking, What rain? "Yeah sure!" I laughed.  How we are looking for the rain!  How we want and need the rain!

This year has had it's rainy seasons and dry seasons spiritually for me as well.  I have had moments that I've been poured on,  I've been stretched and have grown tremendously.  Then there have been months and months of extreemly dry weather waiting for God.  Going to "spanish lessons" on Sunday and not church, because of the lack of understanding.  I have been crying out for different students who are headed down the wrong path, fighting indifference, at times throwing my hands up in the air because I have no clue, facing many obstacles and frustrations, waiting and hoping to see the rain.  To see God at work.  Like a farmer there have been many seeds planted this year.   I have seen God work little by little, but I would love to see a down pour!

We have 5 weeks before the school years out and I'm waiting and hoping for the rain.  I trust it will come whether I get to see it or not.  It will come. 

By the way it just started pouring!  Hopefully it's a reflection of what's to come.

Good and Hard

Before you even ask me, my answer is good and hard.


I have thought a lot about the questions I will continually get asked by friends and family and coworkers when I return. I know what they are because friends and others email them to me regularly. First and foremost, "How was your experience" and "What was it like to live in Mexico". Before you even ask, I have put a lot of thought into this and my answer is good and hard.



I understand that when I return some people will ask me these quetions out of mere formality and some will ask me because they really care and have genuine interest. For the second group, I felt like I owed them a thought out answer. So I have been thinking quite a bit about it. Again, the answer good and hard.


Good in that this experience has changed me in ways for the better. Made me appreciate and at times reject foreign cultural practices and attitudes. Good in that it has made me reevaluate how I live my life. Good in that it has reminded me about what is truly important. Good in that it has forced me to look God in the face and say "What?". Good because He has answered that question many times and I am fundamentally broken, changed, and better for it. Good because I think I come back better then when I left with a lot more love in my heart.


Hard because everything that is good for you over the long term is hard (Think marriage, children, friends, family, church life). Hard because I couldn't count on anything I knew many times and found my self at the mercy and thoughtfulness of others. Hard because I hated it at times, like every school kid hates grammar, but ultimately learns its value. Hard enough to break rock like attitudes in my heart. Hard enough to make me refreshed and excited to come back to the States.


Good in that it changed me and Hard in that I am ready to begin a new in the States.

A Simple Satisfaction

As I was going for a walk today, I satisfyingly realized something. I "work" here. Not as in a job or profession, but I fit. As I walk down the street, nothing is any longer foreign to me. And maybe more importantly no one locally finds me too foreign either. As I head for my walk, the women who runs the little market booth outside the Catholic Church selling tomales, ice cream, snacks, and everything else Mexican nods and waves to me. I then exchange pleasantries with the waiters at the local taco joint (I have eaten a lot of tacos here!) and continue my walk. As I continue on down to my destination (Starbucks) I often receive a smattering of nods from shop owners who recognize me from regular visits. For the most part no one, with the possible exception of an occassional walker I don't know, looks at me with alien wonder any longer. The street workers and various garderners know me enough to offer a cordial "Buenas Tardes" as I walk by. As I walk back from Starbucks I stop at the market to pick up some avocados (new favorite food) and zuchini and several of the people selling their produce make friendly eye contact.

Today, this experience, created a very simple satisfaction. I "fit" here. While I don't call myself a Spanish speaker at this point, in this community I live my life in Spanish and am accepted as such. I order my vegetables, my iced green tea, and my paper towel in Spanish, respond to their questions and even know enough to tell them they gave me the wrong green tea (I always feel horrible when a mistake is made because I do assume it is my fault and I say so). None of the workers at these various places are scared to talk to me in Spanish because they know that I will pick up enough to get their meaning. If not, I will look confused, ask a question, and we will move on with our business transaction.

My walk full of bags and small conversations will end an hour or so later. I have just very much lived like a local.

Its not the satisfaction of transitioning from New York to Memphis or Indianapolis to LA. (No doubt very different in their own rights) but rather becoming part of a whole new world. Becoming just another peice that fits in a foreign culture. And while I will never be "Mexican" and at least while here my Spanish will never be strong enough to engage these people at great depths. To some extent, I know them and they know me. We are neighbors and I have a very normal place in their world. That is very satisfying.

Patience

I talked on my last blog post about lacking in patience and I got an interesting comment from one of my students today.  The class was a last period class.  (Never good, worse in the heat and terrible after a half day or any type of break)  The class was really, honestly... a disaster.  At least half the class was not listening.  Those kids of course were the ones failing my easy class and it was impertinent that they listened.  Anyways, we finally get to the end of the class and one of my students said to me, “How are you so patient?”  I’m laughing on the inside!  She quickly says, “Well I guess you’re a mom of three kids”.  I told her that I really struggle in this area.  I use to think of myself as a fairly patient person, until I came to Mexico.  Now it’s been something I really have to work on every day.   She said, “If I were you I would have run away!”  I chuckled and said, “Sometimes I think about it.”  I guess I should be encouraged that I am improving.  I don’t think she would have said that at the beginning of the year. 

Random Thoughts on Life in Mexico

You know it's been a while since I've blogged, when it took me some time thinking of the website my blog is on and my password! Seeing I haven't written for a good month or longer, this is a post of random thoughts. 

Today was Mother's day in Mexico. Mother's day is always on May 10th. SEP (the Mexican government in charge of the school) called the school yesterday around noon and told them that we will only have a half day today since it's mother's day and no school on Friday for the day of the teacher. I'm starting to slowly adjust to this type of thing occurring, the up in the air if you are going to have school or not when it's a holiday of ANY type. Adjusting, but still prefer to know things with a little more advanced notice.
Speaking of adjusting David and I both called something "ugly" today that a normal English speaker wouldn't use to describe, but is how you would describe something in Spanish.  Like when something tastes bad it could be called ugly.  Something's happening in our brain.  Unfortunately I wish it would be happening more.  My Spanish is definately better, but not even close to where I would hope to be after living in Mexico for almost 10 months. 

For El Dia de las Madres Brian and the kids took me to a restaurant that is usually a favorite of mine. Ended up being a comical dinner! Wrong drink, wrong order then the right drink with horchata that wasn't strained properly. It was very grainy.  On and on. What made it so funny is everyone’s order they managed to do right, but mine. An older lady was our waitress (we've never had her before). She just about freaked out at the sight of these Gringos. She panicked before we even began to order and quickly handed us off to someone who spoke English (even though we still spoke Spanish to him.) We have learned that being patient and having good listening skills go a long way in communicating with other people who might not share the same first language as us.  It kind of made me feel like, “is my accent really that bad!” Brian was concerned it was a flop, but it was ironically comical. It's amazing what a difference two people can make. (The missing waitress and one of their good chefs) You could really see that in the restaurant.

I've been thinking a lot of this experience of living in another country. At times I'm not sure if it has helped me become a better person or a worse one. I use to think of myself as a fairly laid back person...until I came to Mexico. I feel so intense. Maybe that's comparitive to all the people around me.  Now, I wonder what I will feel when I’m back in the USA.

Being out of my comfort zone has really enlightened me to things that I must have struggled with, but had no clue. The "normal" day in day out wasn’t enough to uncover some of the rough spots, which living in another country has. Sure I can be patient when things aren’t too bad, but when I’m tested to my limit. That’s when you realize maybe you weren’t as patient as you thought.

Cultural Toxins

I have been thinking quite a bit recently about cultural toxins. Until the last week or so this was an idea that I had never really thought about. As we are just 2 months from finishing our stint here in Mexico, you think about a lot of things. First, you try to remember the person you were when you first arrived. You think a lot about the changes that have taken place in you through the experience. You wonder how much you've changed and if that change is going to be drastically noticeable when this experience is over. You think about the things that have changed you. You think about how this is different then that and why simply a different set of circumstances can change a person.

This last statement is the one I have been mulling over the last day or two. Why should a different set of circumstances change a person. More specifically, why should another culture (country) change a person. I think their are several answers for that, but the idea that keeps popping into my head is cultural toxins. Every culture is full of them. Mexico has them, the US has them, and I dare venture to say that every country has their own toxins.

What I mean by cultural toxins as a Christian is external cultural norms, practices, pressures, expectations, and vodoo that pervade your life within a culture and come into conflict with Scripture. Now, I am not labeling everything in a culture a toxin, just the opposite some cultural practices can be elixirs for the soul (ex moving from a task oriented culture, US, to a people centered culture, Mexico,). These things actually help you recalculate proper perspectives. These things always come into alignment with the teaching of Christ to a believer. These things can drive out poison that has long built up in a life.

When I personally think of the changes I have undergone, I think of them as cultural toxins that have been driven out of my soul. Now as a believer the challenge to us always is to have the same mind and attitude as Christ, to reject the wickedness of the world, and to be a light of the truth. Regretfully, known to us or not, we often let cultural toxins invade our souls, dim our lights, and create their own set of standards on our life. Before we know it, we look like the culture around us and very little like Christ. This can and does happen in every culture. Remaining pure from the toxins can only be done through vigorous communion with God and fellowship with other beleivers. Some Christians do a better job cleansing the toxins and some give in to full on cultural poisoning. I don't know where I was when I left, but I realize now that I definitely had my share of toxic buildup!

Either way, for me, it has been nice to sweat out some of the toxins I acquired in the States (of course I often wonder what toxins I have acquired here, time will tell). Returning almost feels like a clean slate a new start. Of course with the excitement of the new start is the reminder that the old toxins will be there to greet me. That is the challenge of returning I look upon as a believer, knowing the challenges I face and trying to avoid "being corrupted by the world". The confidence that I carry (as does every believer), is that we have a willing advocate who dares travel with us.

A Shared Culture

While Mexico and the States often times seem miles apart, we do share a culture. Yesterday, my first day with the kids by myself for the week, I decided to take them to the Zoo. The Zoo is always a great dad thing to do. Anyway, we were walking through the aquarium, we got to the clown fish and Joelle yells, "There's Nemo". As we walk away from the tank, after searching high and low for Dorie (We found her later in another tank), a little Mexican girl walks up to the clown fish and yells "Que esta, Nemo." At that moment, the world seemed rather small. I sat there and I thought about what our cultures did share; Hollywood and Madison Avenue.

While Mexico is very Mexico (I can't really explain and you can't really understand), we see traces of the United States everywhere. Literally, in Guadalajara it is hard at times to find a blank surface not covered with grafitti, but in many ways I feel the influence of what comes here from the United States is its own grafitti on this country. Yes, Nemo is cute and I guess every culture should get the opportunity to love the clown fish, but most of what comes here from Hollywood and Madison Avenue isn't quite so cute. For every Nemo, there is 100 American songs spewing trash, and 50 movies that I wouldn't watch myself, little lone encourage anyone else to watch. They did send Dr Pepper south (thank you), but along with it came every fast food monstrosity and Abercrombie and Fitch add that breaks the peacefulness of an otherwise totally unique culture. At times I see these movies, adds, and especially songs and I fined myself ashamed of the States. I realize that it isn't just this country that they transport their trash to, but every country. This I guess is inevitable as the world's economy morphs together, but it is quite sad as well.

You look at these things and realize that this country is not really better for a single one of these "imports"(I can't imagine any country is). Older Mexicans will tell you this to your face, while poetically extolling the virtues of a "Pre-States" Mexico they remember just 20 years ago. I wish I could have seen this country 20 years ago. I assume my chance to see any other country "Pre-US" is gone as well. That makes me sad. Because here all of the things you would be happy to leave behind in America come with you. And all the things good about the States that you would have loved to bring with you, are unknown to most.

As I sit here the idea of first impressions popped into my head. Coming from sales I know the importance of them. I then don't find it so hard to understand why much of the world holds there noses up at us or the Muslim world finds us truly repugnant. What I see here, a man sitting in another country, is not anything beautiful about the US. But literally, its trash, spewed across every billboard, popping up in my local market, and blaring out of every 18 year old car I walk by. That is the culture we share with Mexico.

Living Our Lives with Junior Highers

The good news is that the girls purse was found with the other camera.  Everything was there, the blackberry, and two camera's.  A miracle really.  In fact, what we prayed for. Although the girl that lost it was quick to say in the moment, "It's Mexico, as soon as someone saw the camera and phone it will be gone."  God answers prayers.  A very good opportunity for them to see that!  It was so good as well because last week was prayer week!  They also were doing such a great job going up to people at the park and sharing Scripture verses.  They were supposed to pass out a verse to 3 different people (attached with suckers, another teachers great idea).  I had two girls in my group pass out 5, they then ran out and asked if they could just go up to people and talk to them about Jesus.  There are some really special sixth graders that I learn all the time from! I'm so glad that story, and week, can now have a great ending!

Brian and I have not had the same blessing with our camera.  We knew when coming to Mexico there was a huge likely hood that things might get stolen.  I guess that our pictures and camera is something we are going to have to let go.  Letting go is something God has been teaching us a lot this year!  Today Brian got some disposable cameras for our campout for the kids.

Yes, that's right we are throwing a campout for the 6th grade.  Preparing for this, I had to sit down and think of some crazy fun games and campfire songs we did at the camps where I worked. It was amazing after  10 years how much you forget!  I had such a hard time thinking of things.  After being given some great websites by others, http://www.thesource4ym.com/ and http://www.creativeyouthideas.com/blog/, some of the games on there jogged my memory a little bit.  They gave me some good ideas for my classes as well!

We have a wet and messy time planned for the kids.  We'll have around 22 out of the 38 students at our house tomorrow.  Thankfully, we will also have some other teachers!  I'm not sure how it going to go, but we are planning on having  a great time.  I'm glad I'm not doing it alone.  Sad thing though, one of the 6th graders that was really looking forward to coming broke his knee this morning playing basketball before school!  Concrete courts hurt when you fall on them and this time it did some damage too!  OUCH! 

I've often felt this year, "maybe these are just not the ages for me".  You have to be a really special person to work with Junior Highers."  While I do think that does help, (some people just have a natural talent and ability), if we left it to just these people there would be very few of involved.   Investing in the lives of young people is extremely important, yet there seems to be so few people actually doing it.  I haven't been involved with Junior highers except for a few babysitters and a couple nephews for 10 years!   I have to tell you I absolutely hate being who I have to be as a teacher to maintain a somewhat controlled classroom environment.  It's really not me.  But I don't mind a small group of 2 to 3, or when you get the chane to have fun and joke with them in situations outside of school.  Through this experience I can say I never want to teach in a school setting again, especially Junior High.  But there are things that I would be open to because of it that I might not have thought of before.  Although many of them act like they don't like you in the classroom, they seem to still desire adult relationships.  (Maybe not all with me, but with someone)  Sometimes I think they don't really want to have anything to do with their teacher, and then I'm surprised later. 

Junior Highers do get a super bad rap.  Yes, they are incredibly moody, manipulative, judgemental and talkative.  One day they hate you and the next day they blow your mind by actually saying something nice.  For instance, on Monday one of my 8th grade students was mad at me because I wrote his name on the board because he was asking for lead for his pencil.  My opinion was yes, I might get it wrong sometimes, but talk to me after about it.   Plus there are many times that they should have gotten written up when they weren't. So he was mad at me for this "injustice".  Then the next day I came to my class to find there were no tables or chairs.  I was told I needed to find another classroom, but there are no other classrooms.  So I quickly changed my plans and we sat in a circle on the floor.  One kid comments how "cheap" the school is.  Then someone said how there teacher (me) was mean or something like that.  I just agreed that I was mean and whatever they said about me.  Then the one student that was mad at me Monday was sitting next to me.  He said, "You don't REALLY think you are a bad teacher do you?  Because I don't think that.  I think you are a really good teacher."  One minute your bad and the next minute your good.  Despite how bipolar they can be and they can "make" me, I don't feel like many of them have to many good adults speaking into their lives.  For the same excuses that I give others give as well, "I don't do Junior Highers. I don't have the time. I don't like that age.  They make me uncomfortable.  They are crazy and you have to be crazy to work with them." etc. I think as with anything we really need to push through those excusses.  Good lesson for me when I think so often, I'm not meant to be with Junior Highers, they are not my "age group".